I am often amazed when I see an ordinary looking, if not downright unattractive, woman with a very handsome man or surrounded by admiring people. And then I ask myself…”What does she have that I don’t have?”

I truly believe the answer has absolutely nothing to do with her looks and everything to do with her confidence and kindness. Last night, I went to see for the second time the Off-Broadway play “Celia” about the life and music of legendary Cuban singer Celia Cruz. When Celia Cruz died in 2003 at the age of 77, her funeral processions in both Miami and NY were more grandiose than any state funeral I have ever seen. People flocked from everywhere to pay their last respects to the woman that had brought them so much joy, laughter and music over the course of her lifetime. She was simply known as “Celia, the Queen of Salsa”. Her trademark cry “AZUCAR” or “Sugar” made crowds roar and jump to their feet in a dancing frenzy. How did she do it?

Celia Cruz was not considered an attractive woman. In fact, in the 1950’s when she first took over as the lead singer for a major Cuban band, people complained that she did not look the part of a front woman. She just wasn’t pretty; in fact, quite the opposite. Well, that perception quickly faded the minute she opened her mouth to belt out a tune and flashed that electric smile of hers. Celia knew how to make people feel special and that was her magic. She was fun. Simply put, people wanted to be around her because her bliss was contagious! She was happy and positive. Despite undergoing very difficult moments in her life, she never let it affect the time she had with her beloved audience and husband of 41 years, Pedro Knight. And they all rewarded her with equal love and devotion. She wore crazy colored wigs and outrageous outfits. And the more unconventional she was, the more the audiences responded with even greater affection. Aside from being an extremely gifted singer and wonderful person, her greatest appeal was probably how comfortable she felt in her own skin. She didn’t pretend to be someone she wasn’t. She was simply Celia with all her human imperfections. People of all ages, races and nationalities identified with her and felt and an incredibly strong connection to this amazing woman.



As I sat there taking in the show with its heart thumping music, I realized that I am also drawn to people who are happy and make me feel good about myself. Why is it that we so often surround ourselves with negative people who seem to take pleasure in putting us down and making us feel bad? Then we are left carrying that baggage around! The truth is they are probably not happy with themselves so they are bent on hurting us and others, whether they realize it or not. Some people actually believe that because they are blessed with good looks, money or power, the rest of us mere mortals should feel privileged simply to be in their presence. They feel absolutely no obligation to be civil or nice to others because “It’s all about them.” Well guess what? NO…it’s not!

It is absolutely irrelevant whether you are beautiful, rich or have a position of importance. What matters is that your internal beauty as a human being shines through and that people connect with you on a level they might not even be consciously aware of.We have all seen how self-indulgent some celebrities can be. I often wonder, as I see them carrying on, if they realize they only impress themselves and a few silly people that are in awe of them. The rest of society goes about their business as if living in a parallel universe. These stars end up having shattered personal lives because they lead self-indulgent existences. Only when one gives of themselves to others, does one truly understand joy.

Even though I consider myself a relatively happy and positive person, I realize that I still need to smile and laugh more, and not take life or myself so seriously. I am going to make an even greater effort to acknowledge those around me because they are fellow human beings. I will treat people with kindness and attempt to control my temper when I feel I have been wronged. I may not always succeed, but I will try harder. At the end of the day, I would like to know that I was able to brighten someone’s day and make a positive difference in their lives, even if just for a moment.

So next time I see an “unattractive” woman with the handsome man or surrounded by admiring people, I won’t need to ask because I’ll know exactly “What she has that I don’t have…”